Pride part II

A second post, not long after the first. We'll see if this becomes a habit, if so perhaps Becky will want me to get my own blog and quit cluttering up her blog with long winded, picture-less, potentially boring topics.

So back to pride. Fighting pride is a hard thing; first off, even recognizing pride is a long arduous process of the Spirit's revealing. Furthermore, once pride is recognized, we’re only seeing the tip of the iceberg; when we look back on our lives from heaven I'm quite confident we'll be grieved at how much of an inflated view we had of ourselves, and the degree to which our sin deceived us. Even when the Lord reveals the pride in my heart (regarding one issue!) it's such a struggle to overcome it. I have had success with one major realization (revelation is a better word, less prideful haha). When I recognize pride in my heart, I used to confess like this: "God, I see pride here, please change my heart" - which is a right response. But then, I'd essentially sit on my hands waiting for God to change my heart, or continue to wallow "oh Lord, how my pride is still there and hasn't changed" with nary a thought of taking action since I didn’t feel any change. God has revealed much truth to me recently and this is one aspect. When I find my feelings don't align with what I know is right in my mind (be it sin, pride in this example, or any other aspect), if I sit and wait for my feelings to change saying "God I'm waiting on you to change my heart", ninety times out of one hundred I go nowhere. Sometimes God changes my heart and growth occurs through this approach, but that's not the norm ... most likely because the insincerity of my confession is revealed when I refuse to act upon what I know is right until my heart changes. Much of the Christian life entails acting upon what we know is right in our head, often contrary to our feelings, and praying that God will work to align our hearts with our truth. Is our faith in the truth of God, or our feelings? The situations where what we feel is in conflict with what we know to be true become those times where the degree of our faith in God is most revealed. We confess a lot of truth with our lips, but when push comes to shove, who do we trust: God's truth or our own feelings? How inglorious, ungrateful and unfaithful is it to tell God we'll only do what he asks on our terms! “God, make me feel and desire it ... then and only then will I submit my will to yours”, which incidentally is not submitting our will at all; we don't submit to that which we already delight, enjoy and feel). I don't "submit" to eating a steak ... it's my natural inclination - and if I'm not feeling a steak, I don't eat one. I don't grit my teeth and choose to play Mario Kart; I only do it when I feel like it. How ugly to treat God, who gave His life for me, in the same manner. In addition how often do we find that in the end we truly didn’t want what we felt we wanted? We idolize these shoes, that car, this person, that job, that income level, a certain vacation, and how often does the realization not meet with the supposed promise? And those things are the “not so clearly wrong” feelings; add in our feelings of anger, lust, idolatry and how empty, unfulfilled and destitute are our hearts left when we trust our own feelings.

Let me illustrate by two examples of this in my life:

The first example deals with athletics. I grew up playing a lot of sports; God created me a fast runner and athletic, an aspect I'm quite thankful for. Growing up, I never really came close to fulfilling my potential in various sports due to fear of failure, with respect to soccer, or laziness (running cross-country and track). I still excelled in many ways, due to God's gift, but it wasn't close to what I could have been. Then I pick up the sport ultimate frisbee, and for years still am not close to what I could have been for fear of failure. In time I'd find out people were disappointed that I wasn't a better player than I was because they saw the physical gifts and that I wasn't fully utilizing them. I moved away from Raleigh, to Cincinnati, and in a new city with new people that didn't know me. I became much better as an ultimate player, pushing myself in the areas where I had been neglectful, lacked practice, or had become so ashamed because of the opinion I thought was held by those I respected most, such that I couldn't drum up the dignity to try to improve for fear of failing. As an overall player I became much better, much closer to fully utilizing the various talents I was given. Then I "came back", by playing with a team based out of Raleigh with a good friend of mine named Dave Snoke. Dave's an amazing athlete; walked on and became captain of NCSU's soccer team, picked up ultimate and shredded the field from the beginning. As I'm trying to come into my own as a player, I found jealousy in my heart at how good of a player Dave is ... and in my mind I found I'd long to overtake Dave in ultimate ability so that I was now "king of the field". Well anyone reading this that has played with Dave and I will laugh at that, given the choice between Dave and I ... believe me, you want Dave 10/10 times. While I may have athletic gifts close to Dave, I have no chance of ever becoming as good as him. Dave has been blessed with a mental toughness and mind for sports that I can only view from afar. He'll always be clearly a better player than me. This was a fact I knew deep down, yet I'd still think "I can do better!" and fall short time and time again. Pride in wanting to be outright the best kept me from being the best player I could be, more importantly kept me from being a true friend, and most importantly hindered me from intimacy with Christ. Eventually God worked on my heart to convict me both of my prideful vanity, and my failings as a friend. I prayed God would change my heart to feel what I knew was right in my head, but not much happened. Then God essentially said "Jack, what would it look like if you believed this in your heart ... figure that out and go act, I'll deal with your heart in my own time; go do what you know is right". Well, what would this look like? It means I'd praise Dave for his talents, telling him how impressed I am of him, how proud of him I am, lauding what God has done through him. Ok, my heart's not there yet, but I started doing that based on what I knew was true, despite my feelings. Well, just as he promised, God started moving my heart, working compassion and causing me to not just know what I was stating in my head but feeling it in my heart. To this day I can take unspoiled and pure delight in watching Dave play, getting my sin and vanity out of the way I'm now free to truly delight in Dave's abilities, and am much more secure in who God made me. Not so coincidentally I was able thank God for the person he made me, and in some ways I became a better player ... not as a reward to fulfill even a tad of the sinful desires, rather the sin that I wasn't killing by the Spirit (shout out to Paul and Timothy Brindle) was keeping me from being all of who I was created to be in Christ.

Example number two is the same type in a different paradigm. I have a friend named David Dixon (apparently, if you want to be talented, change your name to "David" and become my friend). Dixon, as I call him, is unquestionably the most uniquely talented engineer I have ever met or worked with. I'm not kidding, no "over the top" gushing. As an engineer he surpasses me as an engineer by such a degree it's comical. No doubt the astute and attentive reader can see where this is going, so I'll save you all the details of how it worked out (if you want the details to learn just how phenomenal a talent Dixon is ... email me and ask, I can sing of his talents til your sick). So Dixon and I worked at GE/GNF Nuclear in Wilmington, NC for a while together. Roomed together at NCSU when I went back for my "Spanish, AKA Ultimate" degree. Then when I joined graduate school at the Univ. of Tennessee I somehow conned him into coming there as well, and we've worked on some projects and been close friends in and out of work for several years now. Just like Dave Snoke, I started out jealous of his talents and thinking "if I put my nose to the grindstone, perhaps I can catch up and become just as good or better of an engineer than him", and just like Dave Snoke if you asked any of the grad students at Tennessee they'd laugh in much the same way and state "Dixon's so far greater than Jack as an engineer, there is no chance". Even I knew this deep down, but I'd smother it early on, pathetically thinking I'd get there, but this is just like Wiley Coyote trying to catch Road Runner ... it ain't gonna happen. Again, my pride causes me to writhe at this "why can't I be the best there too God, what the heck". Oh the vanity. Same story here, instead of waiting for my heart to accept my lot, delight in Dixon's talents, be secure in who God made me, I started taking the actions that would reflect this, since I knew this is where I should be in my head but my heart was clearly retarding my growth. Just like before, as I started complimenting and praising Dixon, to others as well as to him, God started working my heart to align! How many other areas would God honor our commitment to His truth and work in our heart if we chose to act upon what we knew was true, denying our flesh it's indulgence and quitting the wallowing in our sin, or simply sitting on our hands waiting for God to work on our hearts - undoubtedly I'll revisit this is in 6 months when God will reveals a new area that I need to apply this and I'll think "how could I be so dense to not see the need to apply this here earlier"? I challenge anyone reading to think about an internal sinful (especially prideful) struggle that may be raging and may have been for years, pray to the Lord and then start taking the actions you know are right despite the absent feelings ... the fiercest fight in your heart will almost always be either the first physical manifestation (a compliment, apology or 'other'), or being able to admit to yourself that the sin is truly a sin. I have full confidence that the Lord rewards our efforts to honor Him, no matter how small the step and that a joyful release will manifest as sin is weeded out, and Christ's traits take up residence. My thought here is for this to apply to struggles with other people: spouses, friends, enemies, co-workers or God himself; if anyone finds other applications, please enlighten me!

One note, this does not apply to scenarios where you are not convinced of truth in your head. In general we all know when the Lord has convicted us of something in our heads, or things we unquestionably know as truth and are struggling to have the heart catch up with, as opposed to those things in which we're praying to God for clarity about. If there is a legitimate struggle about God's view regarding the topic in your heart, pray for clarity from the Lord before most actions like this. My challenge here is issued only when convinced about the truth regarding sin, yet the heart is weary; like an anchor that is drowning you in your sin.


"What you need is the realest joy, which only comes from pursuing, devoting, embracing, communing and knowing and praising the glorious Christ robed in splendor; who alone fulfills like no contender. Many feel consumed by their sin, but the key to victory is communion with Him. We’ll begin to love what he loves, and hate what he hates when we know Him and savor His grace.
So hide in Christ like a refugee, to know the truth the truth will set you free.
So hide in Christ like a refugee, if you know the truth the truth will set you free.
So hide in Christ like a refugee, Christ is the truth and Christ will set you free.
So hide in Christ like a refugee, if we know the truth the truth will set us free.”
~ Step Into the Light, Timothy Brindle

Pride, Lust and the Sovereignty of God

It’s been a while since I’ve posted (since I always begin my posts this way, it may be that I don’t take time to reflect on what God has been teaching me enough), and I figured “why not make it the most embarrassing post ever”. I’ve also found that most Christians hide their deepest sins from the outside world. I’m not saying we should all make public declarations, that matter is between each of us and God, but I am saying that bringing those sins to light to someone – be it an accountability partner, spouse or even yourself in journaling – seems to serve a great deal as we strive for holiness. Here we go with my attempt honor the Lord in this battle.

Some of you know, some of you may have suspected, and many may be quite ignorant; but Becky and I have been going through some quite rough times recently. The details do not need to be discussed, but I share this because during this same time God has instigated growth and conviction in my heart in a way He hasn’t (or perhaps I haven’t allowed Him to) up to this point in my life.

Let me take you back to my late high school, and especially college years (yes I’m in college still, and that’s pathetic enough itself, but I mean the college time that wasn’t a job … undergrad). For years I struggled mightily with lust. The cycle would essentially go as follows: sin, break, cry out in repentance, sin, break, cry out in repentance, sin … and so on. Times of short-term success would sometimes come; times of prolonged failures would also. Yet, what I didn’t experience was any sense of growth or maturity in the struggle. I would pray and cry out in various forms for years, hopelessness would creep in, anger (both at myself and God), and the question of “God are you listening”. As I continued to grow in other areas of my Christian walk, the question morphed from “God are you listening” to “God, is your sovereignty in such a way that I have no say in the matter here? That my ability to be obedient is willy-nilly, up to whatever Your flippant heart desires? Is this a cosmic joke?”; it should be no surprise this shift in the question came as the college days of the Armenianism vs. Calvinism debate was a hot topic. I did my best to avoid this debate externally (quite poorly I’d bet), as I found it tended towards division and pride, but internally the debate ravaged me as I struggled with the existential reality that was so fondly discussed of in the abstract. It appeared so easy for people to argue the topic so long as it was dealt with on some esoteric intellectual plane. When these discussions were viewed from the perspective of hurting and broke people (as opposed to philosophers having a debate), most discussions seemed irreverent, ignorant, and calloused (cold, cynical, removed … take your pick, more come to mind).

Keep that story (the struggle detailed in the preceding paragraph), on hold and in the back of your mind for a moment; it will be revisited. In this time of struggle that Becky and I have been fighting through, the most significant change has been God’s revealing, and my acknowledgment of, the depths of my sinful pride. No doubt I still only see the tip of the iceberg, but relatively speaking my awareness has multiplied many times over. This has led me to discuss my pride openly when I’m struggling, as well as giving the greatest heartfelt apology to my wife for my failings to die to self early in marriage. This came about according to the same degree which my sin was revealed to my heart, and I humbly broke and acknowledged (as opposed to the oft chosen path of justification and denial). That said, I found myself talking to my parents, as well as my sister, the other day and talking about this. Yet, there it was again … what is that I feel? Pride sneaking back in. In a pathetic and hideous way I was taking pride in telling people how God was revealing to me my pride! In one sense this is funny (funny as in, look at the ridiculous position I am in), but I tend to think that we don’t grieve over our sin as we ought. I find it more likely that I admit the sin, and as wrong, while saying “ha! gosh, isn’t that just pathetic!”. When we should be saying “Lord, this isn’t how it’s supposed to be. This is why you had to die, this is why your blood was spilt, side was split. Lord, even after your sacrifice, like a dog I go back to my vomit and spurn your sacrifice. Break me Lord, shatter my world, let me count as refuse anything that keeps us from intimacy. Let me walk in holiness before you. You are not mocked, let me be a vessel of mercy; remove my sins from me”. So there I am, recognizing the pride I’m taking in confessing my sin of pride. The cycle perpetuates, pride is right here with me as I write, pride in discussing how I was prideful in discussing my pride. Paul’s words in Romans come all the more alive to me; how I used to think he was waxing eloquent, knowing full well he was a legit stud when he said in Romans 7 (my best memory here) “I do not do what I want to do, but the thing I don’t want to do, that I do … oh wretched man that I am! … Who will save me from this body of sin?” Quite the contrary, how broken he was over his sin; when he says he’s the chief of sinners I’ll no longer think he’s trying give himself a backhanded compliment when compared to the rest of society. He knew his sin and what it looked like before God and he was crushed.

So here I am, the Spirit at work all the more so that daily I see how my pride tries to sneak in and my awareness is keen. I’m reading a book by Ravi Zacharias right now called “The Grand Weaver”, and it talks about how God shapes us through the events of our lives – even when it appears there’s no coherent design or intention. There’s a bunch of details I’d love to give about the book, but this post will be about 5x longer than any blogger wants to read, and since there are no pictures included, I better not digress. So I’m in the chapter entitled “Your morality matters” and I hit this section where he’s discussing CS Lewis’s “The Screwtape Letters”, and a point in which the senior devil admonished the lesser as to how he lost a man’s soul to God. Essentially the point was that the lesser devil let the man enjoy pure pleasures. He was allowed to enjoy walks in the morning, and in the evening enjoy a good book. The older devil then says “That’s where you made your mistake; you should have allowed him to take that walk purely for exercise. You should have had him read that book so he could quote it to others” (italics and bold added). That is what was going on in my heart; I was enjoying my conviction of pride so I could tell it to others thus showing them how pious I am, instead of delighting in God’s truth and work in my life. Then Ravi goes on to say:

“God wants us to understand our own hearts, and nothing shows this more than the stringent demands of a law that discloses we are not God – and neither had we better play God.”

It was not long after this that I laid my head down, yet my mind wouldn’t rest. God was at work (my new phrase for this is “Aslan is on the move” and I get goose bumps and tears whenever the Spirit calls it forth in my heart). God was revealing why my struggles played out the way they did, and oh what a moment! It was as if a mystery or puzzle long fought was all of a sudden solved; the dots connected! God used the struggle with lust and purity, and the prolonged aspects, to reveal to me my heart; the depths of its wickedness. If God had answered my very first prayer to remove the struggle of lust, no doubt a more hideous creature I would have become, perhaps with less fleshly manifestations … but as it is said “Man looks at outward appearance, but God looks at the heart”. I would have given God the credit for perhaps one day. Yet for a lifetime I would give the great answer of “phew, praise the Lord for what he did”, but under the surface, in my secrets I’d revel in the fact that I didn’t struggle for years like “those other sinners”; or I’d delight at how well I put my nose to the grindstone and saved myself by my might; no matter what, pride in my abilities and how I saved myself would reign and God’s saving might stripped of its crown. Oh how it is so easy to give the Christian answers lip service and how we love to do so in front of others, despite the truth in our heart; to give the PC (perhaps TC – theologically correct) Christian answer while being duplicitous in the heart is all too familiar. Having the heart reach the point where it sees and feels the reality of the theological answer is a completely different story. I had to wrestle for years seeing no progress, or even regression, for God was working on my heart, weaning me off my self reliance by making my inadequacy to save myself so apparent. Any other way and sin would have been multiplied with sin. As Ravi said, it was the stringent demands of the law accompanied with my utter failure to keep them that kneaded my hard heart soft and help me see that I had better not play God, what I had been attempting to do (and no doubt still do). Without the struggle I would have usurped God’s power and cheated Him out of the glory He is due in sanctification, this fact due to my sin; as it stands now I have no other option than to see myself as I am, a helpless child crying at the feet of his Father. Earlier I wondered if this Father cared for His children at all, as I struggled to look for His face amidst the darkness – theological answers don’t do any good if they don’t meet with the heart. What I found was a Father who broke through the darkness, revealing that it was my own heart that was blinding me. Oh how glorious I see it now, the pattern that he was weaving. What looked like a random collocation for so long, or worse a cosmic puppeteer who delighted in emotional torture, is now revealed as a gloriously compassionate surgery worked to remove that which is most deathly in me; in order that I might see that which is infinitely valuable and loving. Through the process his gentleness and patience with me is astounding.

I return to the sovereignty of God. I couldn’t see Him moving, yet He was. I couldn’t feel His love, yet it was there. God worked systematically and intentionally through the entire struggle, for my good. How thankful I am for John Piper and his incessant pleading and unwavering commitment to the sovereignty of God. In the dark night of my soul I cried out for Him and he saved me; how he answered my prayers to know Him more intimately and now how I see his plan all along. Oh the glory of God, the depths of His knowledge – how unsearchable are His ways! How great is my delight in the Father as a result of his working in my life! What delight in the Lord I would miss to have all my fleshly sins cast away in an instant, and how much more deceptive my heart would be.

I end with a poem that captures this drama of our failures and Gods loving response when we bring them to him:

He came to my desk with a quivering lip,
the lesson was done.
“Have you a new sheet for me, dear teacher?
I’ve spoiled this one.”
I took his sheet, all soiled and blotted
and gave him a new one all unspotted.
And into his tired heart I cried,
“Do better now, my child.”

I went came to the throne with a trembling heart;
the day was done.
“Have you a new day for me, dear Master?
I’ve spoiled this one.”
He took my day, all soiled and blotted
and gave me a new one all unspotted.
And into my tired heart he cried,
“Do better now, my child.”

Short 'n Sweet :)

Working the weekend! Will try to do an update post on Monday. Work is going well. Busy, learning a ton and having a lot of fun. Really enjoying this honeymoon stage :) Hope it lasts a long time. Training for a 1/2 marathon coming up March 28th. Training with my friend Melissa. Enjoying my running quite a bit, yay. Reading the Word, doing a year plan, hopefully I can make it past 4 months this year! Also, working on scripture memory! Working on the Sermon on the Mount which is going well except I haven't memorized my third week yet...EEEEK! Maybe I'll have to double up next week. We shall see. Studying for my boards...sorta. I try to do a little bit each night but lots of other things have been coming up that have been important to deal with so I'm hoping that what I've learned in school and what I read while studying will be sufficient! Yikes. God's sovereign. SO thankful for that. Short and sweet. Hopefully a longer post to come on Monday!

I'm working 7 to 7...not 9 to 5 like the song

So, posting has become a little more difficult now that I'm back to working my 12 hour shifts. But the exciting thing is is that I'm finally working on the floor as a nurse intern. I'm trying to work and study for my boards all at the same time. Unfortunately studying has been getting harder and harder to do because of my exhaustion when coming home, among other things. So I've only been on the floor for two days. It's been really good and slightly overwhelming but I'm enjoying it thus far. Nursing school was challenging and I'm thankful for everything I learned but I'm realizing (not that I didn't know this already, really) how much MORE I have/get to learn when working in the "real" world. I love it. I love being challenged mentally while at work. I love learning new things every day. I love that I work at a teaching hospital and the encouraging reception I've received from other nurses on my floor and even from some of the doctors! (ha, I shake a little as they "tease" about yelling at me when I come to them with a question...but we'll see, haven't had to call one yet...eek) I'm feeling very nervous about taking my boards. I was never really nervous before any of my exams in nursing school but I think I'm getting overwhelmed by the amount of material that could potentially be on the exam. Anywho I'm rambling now. Feeling like my life is a major roller coaster. Just wish the sick feelings would go away every time I take that huge, exhilarating plunge. SO ready for the uphill climb.

Annoyance

I don't know what the deal is but I am really struggling with annoyance today. REALLY STRUGGLING. I'm annoyed with my life right now. Annoyed that my fingers are cold. Annoyed that my husband slept in until noon* (it's so stupid for me to be annoyed with that, I shouldn't be annoyed, he can sleep however long he wants!), annoyed that I have to do laundry in our freezing garage that is an extreme mess from Jack's demo the other day, annoyed at situations I'm dealing with in life, annoyed that I feel like I've sort of wasted a huge chunk of my day today doing really nothing when I could have been so much more productive, annoyed that I feel like I fight the same fights with my flesh and sin in my life on a daily basis, annoyed that I haven't gone for a run today, annoyed that I am annoyed!!!!!!! UGH.

I had to get that off my chest. I took my annoyance out on my husband just a few minutes ago. He wanted me to hang out with him while he showered, you know, sit on the toilet and chit chat until he's done. Why did I get annoyed? I don't know. I didn't like being asked to do what I didn't feel like doing at that time. But why didn't I feel like doing it? I don't know! I just didn't! That's what's annoying to me! Ha. I'm sick of that word. My brother-in-law hates the word annoyed. How about bothered, irked, miffed, frustrated, exasperated...

I know this has been a whine fest but I needed to get it out. I don't want to be annoyed. I don't want to have a bad attitude. Pray for a change in attitude for me today! I'm just being honest here.

*qualification, jack did suffer from a massive migraine the day before, wiped him out completely. Sleeping in was part of his poor body's attempt to recuperate. again another reason i should not have been annoyed with it. sigh...

Sunday Worship

Jack woke up with a severe migraine today. So I was faced with a dilemma. Stay home on this rainy, dreary day and "nurse" him back to health (not that I could really do anything for him besides rub his temples or massage his neck, he really has to just suffer through it until he throws-up and passes out for a few hours to let it pass, sorry if that was graphic) or get up and go to church alone. Now you may wonder, why would it matter if you go to church alone? Well, for me it doesn't really, but because our church is so big and I don't know very many people there there is always a nagging feeling of isolation if I go alone. So I decided, I'm going to go. I ended up getting there late because for some reason I got confused about times and even on the drive there I kept waffling about getting there late or just going to a coffee shop with my Bible for some one-on-one time with the Lord. I was even struggling with anger on my drive, anger about being late, anger at slow drivers, anger at red lights for making me stop, etc. Goodness, I had a bad attitude. I kept praying for it to go away but it kept lingering. I finally decided that I'd just go to church, get there late, sneak in on a back pew and not worry about what others might think when I walked in 15 minutes late. Boy am I glad I went. Honestly, the sermon wasn't anything that really struck me deep in my heart (is that a bad thing?) but the worship was exactly what I needed to hear. I felt like each song was picked specifically for me. I think I was amazed at how deeply the lyrics struck my heart, resonated truth to me. I love music and I love that the Lord uses it to speak to me directly often times. I at times envy those who are intellectual and can really connect with the Lord through a great Christian book or whatnot. I desire that at times, but I am also so thankful that I am wired more emotionally. I'm thankful that I can be moved by words to a song.

A few lines I was struck by today:

Lord, we are weak and frail, helpless in the storm. Surround us with your angels, hold us
in your arms. Our cold and ruthless enemy, his pleasure is our harm. Rise up, O Lord, and
he will flee before our sov’reign God. Hallelujah! Glory be to our great God! Hallelujah! Glory be to our great God!

God rises up, against the evil one. The evil one FLEES! So often I feel defeated by the evil one. I feel so ensnared in my sin, shame, guilt, etc. But God rises up and the evil one flees and I LOVE that it says our sovereign God. Our sovereign God knows when the evil one comes up against us. He is not surprised or taken off guard by his attacks.

Another note that sort of ties in. Last night we went to dinner at our neighbors' house. It was a fun and interesting time. Our neighbors had two friends over, retired UT professors, one from the French department and I believe the husband was from the English department (may be wrong on that one). Anyways, we got into many lively conversations and the topic eventually turned to reading good books and enjoying the suspense of them. I unashamedly admitted to at times reading the last page of the book before I've finished the book to determine if I really want to keep reading. I find myself doing that when I get to a particularly sad or scary part of the book and I want to know if so and so dies, or if he and she finally realize their love for each other and decide to get together, etc. Anyways, after being berated (kindly of course) by the French prof her husband looked at me kindly and admitted that he too has done that before and how it doesn't actually spoil the story for him. YES! I liked that he agreed with me :) But as I was thinking about why do I feel the need to know the outcome of the story I realized this is exactly what has been done for us in the story of life, this world, the outcome of humanity! We have already been told the ending of the story. Victory! Christ conquers the evil one. Just as in the book, when times so difficult and I'm wondering if I even want to carry on to the end I read the last page and am encouraged to continue to get to the "happy" ending. That's how life is. So many times, very recently for me, there are struggles and hardships in our life. We wonder, why am I carrying on? What's the point? Why fight? But there is hope! We know the outcome of the grand story and what a great ending it is! That's one reason I feel that these lyrics from this morning struck me so much...eventually the evil one will flee for ETERNITY. Forever. Christ will conquer and we will be with Christ forever.

"Be still my soul, be still; be still my soul, be still. Wait patiently upon the Lord, be still my soul, be still."

Hehe, Laughter always helps :)

A few posts back I wrote about needing more laughter in my life and a few less tears. While I still have my share of tears (which aren't a bad thing, don't get me wrong, just sometimes I'm sick and tired of them) I have been able to have a few laughs here and there. Thanks to my sister, Debbie, I got to enjoy this picture with quite a few belly laughs. A few things I like about this picture...1) the dog sure is cute...hmm, wonder when we'll get a dog? 2) LOVE, LOVE how he is sprawled out in the 2nd picture, ohhhhh just look at it again, you'll laugh :). 3) His recovery is hilarious with his eye all cocked and his tongue hanging out. Hm, it seems silly to make some sort of connection with this picture but I'm silly so I'm going to do it anyways. I feel like this little dog is a great picture of how life works in ways. Here we are, running along all happy and not a care in the world. We enjoy life and are blissfully unaware of what problems may be in the future. Then WHAM, it hits us. We take a tumble; it may even hurt a bit, depending on how we fall. We turn over and over and probably wonder what in the world hit us. Then, after we come to a rest, work things out, we get up again. We may not be as happy and carefree as before but we are up and moving forward. Probably a bit more cautiously but that in and of itself is not necessarily a bad thing. I think God uses the "falls" in our life to kind of whip us back in shape. Make us more cautious to sin in our life or unaddressed problems we may be conveniently not dealing with. Then He uses something to wake us up. I'm not saying God tempts us or anything. He can't/won't. His word says so. But He does allow us to be tempted (think Jesus in the desert with Satan) in order for His glory to be magnified and in order to make us stronger. He does not give us more than we can handle, NOR does he give us a heavy load. My yoke is easy and my burden is light. Hm, I let this get a bit weightier than I expected BUT I'm encouraged by what I know God is teaching me during this time in my life. Praise Him.